I know it's been a long time since I've written anything for this blog (Taking myself too seriously, the most important blog on the internet), but I've been exceptionally busy dying and tweezing my eyebrows. They look fantastic, thanks for asking.
Really, I've been gallivanting around the state with a pretty girl. We've been driving out to oceans and tumbling through forests; eating sushi in quaint alleyway sushi restaurants and generally having lots of genuine good, clean fun. I'm blessed, she's stellar!
Occasionally, I can muster a funny perspective on alcoholism that lets me see the disease as a form of superpower. I have inhuman, alcoholic abilities. I can spot a lie better than most people. Sometimes I can tell if something's a lie before it even comes out of my mouth. I can get inside the mind of an alcoholic and figure out what his next move will be. When I'm bartending, I can sometimes get a drunk customer out the front door without him realizing he's being cut off and 86'd. I'm like the horse whisperer for drunks.
But the greatest power of all is the power to turn any situation into a problem. I'm at a state in my life where things are going pretty well. I have a good job that pays me well, I am a hard working student earning A's in challenging classes, I'm dating somebody that I'm truly excited about, the rent's paid, the car starts when I want it to, gas is in the tank, food is in the fridge.... hell, even my little foot "situation" has cleared up.
But that doesn't mean I'm happy. Oh, no...
You see, I'm very comfortable with discomfort. In fact, for many years I kind of thrived on it. There was always some sort of mini-crisis fueling my drinking binges. Break ups, lay offs, traffic tickets, whatever... I capitalized on the faintest notion of tragedy and suckered free drinks out of sucker, newbie bartenders all over town. A few years ago an acquaintance I had known ten years prior passed away suddenly. I don't recall ever being friends with him and I'm not certain I actually ever even liked the guy when I knew him, but when I heard via Facebook that he had died, I sprung into action. I skipped out of work for the day and was drunk in his honor by noon. How noble of me. (In case you're wondering: yes, I feel terrible about that. And yes, I take death far more seriously now.)
So when I reach periods like this when things are going well, I hardly know how to handle it. I'm always sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop and if the shoe doesn't actually drop (stupid shoe) I'll drop it my own damn self. For instance, I managed to break an ugly habit of biting my nails about two years ago. Although I have managed to stop biting them as a regular means of grooming, sometimes I will bite them off in my fucking sleep! Yes, I wake up in the morning with this neat little pile of nails by my pillow and raw, sore fingertips. I subconsciously do the same with anything in my life.
I will take every good situation in my life and turn it inside out. If I'm lucky I can catch myself or somebody I trust will gently tell me that I'm being a brat. A few weeks ago it took a few somebodies to help me gain some perspective on my classy-ass problems.
But nothing helps shake that punk perspective like seeing some people I care about go through some actual shit. Enter exhibits A, B and C. In the last three days A) a person I know's wife died B) another person I know's girlfriend was arrested for "felony evading of a police officer" and C) another friend's fucking house burned to the ground. Jesus.
I'd like to give all of these people the privacy they deserve and not put their business here on my blog (with it's millions of daily readers), but I would also like to extrapolate a little more from these examples. All of these people are excellent folks. The widower and his wife have been sober for a combined total of nearly 100 years. My friend whose lady is in jail is in a profoundly hard situation and he's handling it far better than I could. My friend who lost her house is a dedicated small business owner and all-around fantastic woman. Not all of these people are recovering alcoholics, but nonetheless, not one of these people has gotten drunk over their situations.
I need these people in my life for two reasons. First, they help me see that my problems are hardly problems at all. They are challenges, roadblocks or obstacles but not problems. Second, these friends set very good examples for me. They show me that life can get hard, but we don't have to give up. Ever.
I don't spend a lot of time cursing myself for having a poor attitude. My poor attitude is part of my charm, right? RIGHT?!? I just do my damnedest to be a good example for the next punk I meet who wants to turn his white privilege into some kind of philosophical, metaphorical liability. Anyways, I'm really grateful to my friends for being such awesome people and putting up with me when I act like a baby. Thanks for reading my blog. I love you.
