A Source of Inspiration

If you're anything like me, and if you're lucky you're not, you spend a lot of time on Facebook. Those of you with actual lives might not be aware of a trend that emerged about a year or two ago involving inspirational quotes. Basically, people share quotes that they find meaningful with their groups of friends. Although this trend is a little too superficial for me, I will admit to being a fan of a good quote. Something about the pocket sized nature of the solid quote is really attractive to me. Quoting Nietzsche or Einstein is easier than actually reading Nietzsche or Einstein and putting their lessons into practice.

In the Facebook era nobody has time to sit down and read a book. I'm all about the easy way out anyways. Although I don't participate in the Facebook quote sharing game, I do read two, small daily books every morning published by recovery groups. They have lessons that are pertinent to my recovery and typically end each day's page with a thoughtful quote by a variety of philosophers and poets. From these books and from other walks of life I have compiled a mental list of quotes that are important to me. Here are a few of my favorites:

"When you're going through hell, it's important to remember to keep going." -Winston Churchill

"When it get's dark enough you can see the stars." -Lee Salk

"Fuck You." -Dick Cheney

I'm writing about this tonight because I find myself identifying with the above quotes. I like to face the fact that sometimes we need to walk through hell. I don't care much for unrealistic expectations anymore. I don't mean that I don't have them, I certainly do. But I don't have much use for them. I'm trying to abandon the idea that everything is going to be okay and get comfortable with the notion that everything is going to be exactly the way it should be.

When I walk through some emotional pain as I occasionally do, I look for the quickest fix I can find. That fix used to come in chemical form. For a while that worked. When I got sober I found I have a very low tolerance for pain. I remember calling a friend while I was in early sobriety and asking him to tell me what page to read in a specific book so I could learn the magical lesson that would make me feel better and remove the agony. A short two years later, I understand that there is no quick fix for me. Some of the pain I've felt in sobriety has taken months to heal. I spent March through May of last year in total misery. It was terrible. But I trudged through it and the journey was worth it. I learned some valuable lessons.

In the last two days some old pains have resurfaced and I'm revisiting the journey I took a year ago. It's not a pleasant walk but I know the way and I've got my boots laced up tight. I keep my Churchill and my Salk quotes handy to remind me to keep going and to look at the stars along the way. And I keep my Cheney quote with me too because you know, fuck you.