Right now (like, right this second), I'm supposed to be cleaning, studying, running or doing several other things that end with -ing. Instead, I am here. It's well known that this is The Most Important Blog on the Internet so I guess I can take it easy on myself for blowing off life and spending some time here. I mean, writing this blog is important!
I frequently make choices that are contrary to my general well being. For instance, I successfully quit smoking last July, but here I sit contemplating a cigarette. I contemplated a couple of finger nails off in the process. I don't want to be a smoker again and I know that's exactly what I'll be if I drive to the store and shell out for a pack. There's no such thing as "just one," my friend reminds me I'm "only a puff away from a pack a day."
In the eight months since I quit, I smell better, I breath better, I save money better... But positive results aren't always enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. I like things messy and complicated. A cursory look at some of the relationships I've had will confirm that. The trick is to ignore my screwy instincts and do the damn dishes, fold the damn laundry, eat the damn vegetables and date the damn girl that has her life together.
As I write this I'm reminded of some other powerful lessons that apply to me and my life. First, there's the "take it easy, Kevin" lesson. This is the lesson that reminds me to relax a little bit and allow myself the occasional unproductive day. This week I've been to the city for school twice, worked two shifts, been to 4 meetings, made several meals, worked out twice, done the dishes three times... Tomorrow will have plenty of hours in it too. My life is more organized and tidy than it's ever been. So what if I don't do the chores today? I'm the only one that has to live in the very minor clutter. Frankly, this is 100 times cleaner than my living quarters were at this time last year.
The next lesson is the "stop trying to be perfect, Kevin" lesson. Here I am reminded that, sadly, I am imperfect. Don't tell anyone. I define "perfectionism" as a fixation on the idea that I have to be perfect. Not that I do things perfectly, but that Kevin be perfect. I have myself pretty convinced that I'll be single for the rest of my life because I have a complicated life, complicated past, blah blah blah. The truth is I'm an excruciatingly simple bloke. No kids, no ex-wives, no felony convictions... Just alcoholism. Lot's of guys have that. The difference is I don't drink.
So, come what may. I'll be right here... on the couch... thinking about tobacco. Maybe I'll get off my adorable, lazy ass and do some dishes. Probably not. I'm going to order a pizza now. Goodbye.
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